The Life we call ‘Ithaca’

Most know about my love of mustard, including the employees of the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum who now recognize me when I stop in. Over the past 20-some years I’ve tasted hundreds of different varieties, again and again, and so I consider myself a connoisseur of the best condiment on Earth.  Just looking in our kitchen cupboard gives you an idea of the obsession level:

And at times, when wonderful friends and family pick me up a holiday gift, this stockpile can nearly double.  At these times I am truly happy.

Anyhow, you get the picture – I love mustard and have drank enough of it to know what I’m talking about.  In an effort to steer non-mustard lovers in the right direction, I present here a summary of the best mustards around…once you taste them you’ll start growing a collection too!  Note: these aren’t opinions, they’re truisms and should be regarded as such.  If you don’t like the following then there’s something awry with your tastebuds.

Best spicy mustard: Mister Mustard’s Original Hot.  This one’s a challenge to find – if you live in Ithaca it’s in the international foods section, not the regular mustard isle.  The bite is superb but not overpowerful like that crappy Chinese spicy mustard water, and it’s a seed mustard so the texture is pleasant.  One of my favorite mustards of all time.  Their non-hot variety is quite good too, but a little less distinguished.

Best seed/brown mustard: Gulden’s Spicy Brown Mustard.  Actually, this reigns as my favorite mustard.  I put this on anything with a surface – bread, meats, eggs, even pancakes.  Really good texture, not too spicy, and cheap!

Best Dijon mustard: Maille Dijon Originale.  This one’s a surprise, because Maille is French and French mustards are positively terrible in general.  They (French mustard makers) tend to want to infuse things in mustard like tarragon or kale, and the result is like what birds regurgitate to their offspring.  Back to Dijon – this one’s exquisite: they don’t overpower the mustard with spicy Dijon, but include just enough to know it’s there.  And it’s slightly less viscous than the big commercial Dijons, which make it easy to spread.  Seriously, and you’ll think I’m nuts – spread some of this on your scrambled eggs – it’s the bee’s knees.

Definitely NOT the best Dijon mustard: Greg Poupon.  These guys command the lion’s share of the Dijon market due to gimmicky ad campaigns in the 90s (do you have any grey poupon? But of course!).  However, their mustards are overpowered with Dijon spice…right, got it – there’s Dijon in there.  This is a mustard for the ill-informed.

There just isn’t enough room to include some of the international mustards that I’ve tried and enjoyed, but I can summarize a few.  In general, Irish mustards are terrific: they are mostly brown seed mustards and often include beer.  The English mustards are good but beware of what you’re getting into – oftentimes they don’t grind the seeds at all so the texture is like your downing a biscuit of fish eggs.  French: terrible.  Japanese, Spanish, and so on: I just haven’t been able to try enough yet.

Which leaves the final category: Best all around, classic Yellow Mustard: French’s.  A close second is Plochman’s.  This is a fantastic utility mustard, which can be drank alone or paired with an aged parmesan.  I’ve put it in espresso before and don’t recommend doing that again.  Same applies to ice cream, but less so.  The worst yellow mustard is Heinz’s – bland, very watery, and it separates if you look at it too long.

So there you have it.  Do yourself a favor and try some of the above, and let me know what you think.  I’m still trying to convince Sam, who has been resistant…but as I’ve said before, her not liking mustard is a blessing in disguise since it means more for me!

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 28th, 2010 at 6:44 am and is filed under David's Diatribes, General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.